I struggle taking time to pray. It’s not because I don’t have time to do it, and I know that my lack of prayer isn’t because I don’t know what to say. If you know me well, you know that I rarely find myself at a loss for words. So, if I have the time and the ability, why do I struggle so much with prayer?
My ultimate struggle with prayer is rooted in a flawed view of myself and a flawed view of God and the divine love that has been extended to me through the person and work of Jesus. When I think about praying, my initial assumption is that God has more important things to pay attention to and more important people to listen to than me. But, it doesn’t end there. When I introspect and process, I realize that I have a fear that God will eventually grow tired of my prayers, tired of my words, and eventually move on, like others have in my life. It is easy to take my life experiences and allow them to subconsciously impact the way that I view and interact with God, and ultimately, with the world around me. Of course, the mentalities that I previously described are certainly problematic and rooted in lies. I know that. However, lies and past hurts often stay in the forefront of my mind and heart, and that makes prayer nearly impossible.
Over the past few days and weeks, I’ve really felt God reminding me that God is proud to be with me and wants to be in relationship with me. God does not simply tolerate me or wait for me to become a better, future version of myself. God loves me right here and right now. And it is with that unending love and relationship in mind that I strive to, as the verse in 1 Thessalonians says, never stop praying. I can always go to God because God always wants to be with me. I will never be pushed away or belittled, I will be met with a love, grace, and mercy that surpasses all understanding. I can have confidence and boldness when talking to God and that motivates me to pray more.
My hope is that anyone reading this would be reminded that God wants to be in relationship with each and every one of us. God desires to be with us and that should give us confidence and boldness when we pray. Divine love and grace is constantly being extended towards us. We are seen, we are loved, and we are cared for by the One who will never grow tired of walking alongside us. And it is because of these realities that we strive to never stop praying.