“I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” -Isaiah 46:4
I struggle with allowing people to carry me. And, as someone with a physical disability, people offering or attempting to carry me happens more often than most, I’d assume. This struggle is that I like to do things myself. On the surface, I don’t think that this desire is bad or wrong but the reality is that this desire of wanting to figure things out myself has bled into my relationships too.
I don’t want to be carried or sustained by those around me because I am afraid that I will inevitably be perceived as “too much” or as “a burden” by those that are in my world. I’m afraid that people will get tired of needing to carry me at times, and as a result, they will eventually leave. So, I try to carry the load myself so that I don’t have to deal with being seen as a burden or deal with abandonment. I convince myself that putting everything on my own shoulders is ultimately better because it (in my estimation) won’t lead to loneliness.
This mentality isn’t limited to my relationships with other people, it is very much a factor in my relationship with God as well. I am afraid that God will see me as a burden and want to spend time and energy on a better option. Of course, this is an unhealthy and incorrect view of myself and of God. I can’t allow my own insecurities to dictate how I understand God’s love and the love of other people, for that matter. I have to push through my own fears of abandonment and allow myself to be loved, or as the verse says, be carried and be sustained.
Can I trust God’s love to carry me and sustain me? Can I push through insecurity? Can I trust that God won’t let me go? And can I trust that others around me will reiterate the love that God has shown?
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